Its been almost three months since I wrote the last article which feels lightyears right now.
So what happened?
Life unfolded in the present moment and I literally had to surrender. And so I did, I surrendered. I could not NOT. The wave of transformation hit me so hard at the end of November that the whole foundation within a week was pulled from underneath my feet.
To give you an idea of the magnitude..
I didn’t recognize myself.
I didn’t want to be around me!
And I didn’t want to be around people I loved.
I just wanted solitude to understand what the fu*k just happened.
All that I thought I knew about myself and the world around me through the eyeopening journey of all those magical years on the road less travelled got me down on my knees so I could finally face and heal decades of pain that has been so alive within my body. I had no idea of the depth of the hidden unresolved energetic and emotional pain-body traumas of my childhood wounds that unexpectedly opened me up for a greater growth.
I was scared.
So freaking scared.
I didn’t know what to do.
So I did what my body told me to.
I surrendered to the experience. I allowed the emotions. I embraced everything. The dark and the light. Tears and non-existing joy. Resistance and non-resistance. Restlessness and stillness. Disconnection and connection. Pain and liberation. Selfishness and selflessness. Known and the unknown. Limitedness and unlimitedness. Fear and love.
A lifelong journey from head to heart.
More about breaking down to break open in the upcoming article as I am gradually breathing my way into writing again.
Just know that I am doing great with the gifts I have been given and I hope that all is good with you as well!
P.S. Thank you Alice for being here, next to me, every step of the way with your love and support. I know it wasn’t easy yet you showed once again your beauty and strength, something I admire so deeply to the moon and back. You’re an angle – I feel beyond blessed to experience the beauty of all that you are to me and to so many others.
I am finishing this post with a prayer I wrote, one of my tools that kept me focused, while I was swimming in the dark spaces of my psyche to bring awareness into the forefront of my consciousness.
Mother Earth, please ground me in this beautiful body.
Father Sky, please deepen my connection with the intelligent holographic universe.
Great Spirit, please balance my feminine and masculine energies, and reunite my mind and heart in a holy matrimony where my innocent heart is the object of my affection by cracking that holy heart of mine wide open so that my actions would only speak the language of love with myself and with everyone else.
Great Spirit, please give me the strength to respect my shadow and the power to bring darkness into the light of divinity.
I am a human, and also a miracle who’s whole and complete, and I am a giver of divine love and light of the ages.
I am also an actress on this earthly plane who came here to play her part of ascension in a manuscript, to step on life’s stage, recite her lines and then leave once again.
Therefore I ask and invite all the powers omnipresent to help me become greater than any external circumstance – to go beyond body, time and space – to see everything from a higher perspective, through the eye of quantum me.
Great Spirit, please give me the willpower to surrender to life’s flow with one breath at a time so I can be of service for the wellbeing and liberation of all where my spirit is strong and powerful with a river of gratitude flowing through my being.
It’s time to wake up the master within.
I am taking back my power to live in an infinite universe full of creation.
I am joy.
I am peace.
I am love.
And so it is.
And that I am.